Demystifying networking

Like it or not, networking is key to professional success. Unfortunately, keeping our heads down and doing great work just isn’t enough to further our careers. Here are tips from a wise introvert on how to build your network.

Over the years, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with business networking. The old networking guru mantra is “It’s who you know, not what you know.” That was a cool catchphrase, but there was part of me that couldn’t accept that relationships could matter more to career success than focus and hard work. For many years, the skeptic and cynic in me resisted the premise that networking was the holy grail, and I avoided it at all costs.

I’ll never forget the awkward moments early in my career when the companies that I worked for held formal networking events that I was required to attend. Folks wearing nametags would stand around awkwardly clutching the free food and drink, while facilitators would coax the group to connect through a range of icebreakers that never quite felt natural. While the companies meant well, I never truly got the hang of using those forums to forge the beginnings of real and meaningful connections with colleagues, bosses or clients.

I once worked for a company that had a project I desperately wanted to work on. I was aware that management and the client were focused for several weeks on identifying who was to be on the team. I kept my head down and cranked out what I thought was legendarily exceptional work on the current project I was assigned to. I was sure management would notice me. One of my colleagues, whom I deemed to be an average performer and overall slacker because of the time she spent chatting up managers and clients, got the project over me. When I asked why that had happened, my manager told me that my colleague’s in-company network had advocated for her to be on the project. That’s when it hit me. I knew I needed to take networking more seriously because who you know really does matter as much or if not more than what you know.

I realized the old axiom was vitally important to my career success, but I struggled with two fundamental issues: 1) I’m an introvert by nature; I’m not naturally comfortable connecting with new people. 2) I never seemed to have enough time or right forums to network properly. I thought, how do I network properly? If I only had a how-to checklist to build my network, the overachiever in me could focus on becoming a great networker. But alas, no definitive list existed. So, I began to think differently about the challenge.

We over-mystify networking. The truth is that we’ve been networking since we connected with kids when we were young. We made stronger connections with those who liked some of the same things that we did. And we relied on our parents, neighbors or teachers to introduce us to new kids.

When you were a teenager and you wanted someone to go to the movies with, you reached out to your network. If you moved to a new neighborhood you had to start over and build a new network or go to the movies alone.

As adults, networking techniques don’t differ much. There’s no right or wrong way. Eventually, I found the right blend of networking activities that have worked for me and the impact changed my career and life. Don’t be afraid to explore new ideas or try new things to find what works for you. I’ll share some of my favorite tips.

Networking is serious business

Building effective networks takes deliberate work. Networking is about building relationships, not just making connections. They require care and feeding to sustain and grow.

I like to think about networking in four phases: 1) meeting new people to add to my network 2) engaging with folks already in my network to cultivate the relationships 3) leveraging the folks in my network when I need to 4) most importantly, being there for those in my network who might need me. Deliberately focusing on each of these areas pays dividends.

At least once a month, I  look out over the next six months in my personal and professional calendars to ensure that I’m being deliberate about each of the four phases. I start by looking at everything that I’ve planned to determine where organic networking opportunities exist.

I color code my calendars to: identify places where I’ll be; meeting new people that I can bring into my network; engaging with people already in my network to further cultivate the relationships; connecting with my mentors, sponsors and champions who never fail to inspire me; and meeting with those I mentor and coach. I plan activities to fill the gaps in the phases.

Carefully cultivate a naturally occurring network (NON)

Whether I’m in a business or social setting, I go out of my way to connect with people and get to know them. All the clichés like “don’t judge a book by its cover” and “you never know who you will meet” are so true. You never really know where your most important connections will come from. Limiting additions to your network to only people that you can see as relevant to where you are now in your career can exclude resources that might be beneficial later during a different career/life stage. Therefore, I like to think of building my network in terms of it being more “naturally occurring” than strictly professionally focused on my work domains.

We over-mystify networking. The truth is that we've been networking since we connected with kids when we were young.

As my career developed and my roles changed and expanded, I added a broader cadre of people in my network who had experiences and skills that were very different from my own.

I’ve also enjoyed mentoring, coaching or advising those who are in completely different roles or industries from mine. During our energizing times, we push each other to come at challenges from different angles and perspectives.

Gather connections at conferences and other professional events

It’s not natural or easy for me to make overtures to new people at professional events, but these can be treasure troves of connections. I realized early I needed to find a way to overcome my fear of wading through a sea of strangers to find a friendly face.

When I look around exhibit halls and networking events, I see many people avoiding eye contact or staring at devices to avoid conversation. I consciously promise myself that I won’t be that person. I go out of my way to make eye contact, smile and say hello to everyone I see. As soon as I see a door open to engage beyond hello, I jump through it. Simple questions like “How are you enjoying the conference?” or “Which speaker have you enjoyed most so far?” can be great icebreakers.

I then revert to the curiosity of a three-year-old who wants to understand even the simplest of things. I seek to find some common ground, likes, dislikes and common experiences — either personally or professionally — to make the connection organic. I also make mental notes of possible good opportunities to reconnect.

Instead of exchanging business cards that will collect dust in some pile that I’m not likely to revisit, I ask to immediately connect on LinkedIn via our phones. I aim to add at least 10 new people to my network at each event I attend.

Don’t go it alone — surround yourself with people who inspire you

As a fraud fighter, there have been many times when my work has felt isolating and lonely. I’ve worked hard to ensure that my network is filled with people who I get energy from and find it easy to give energy to.

I’ve edited some folks out of my network because they were either very negative, or it was exhausting and draining to maintain those relationships. I felt guilty at first, and then I remembered something a wise mentor once told me: “Your time is limited and precious; you deserve to spend it only on the people and the things that really matter.”

I go out of my way to find people to connect with who inspire me. I’ve taken my networking community to the next level by joining “trust circles.” These are working groups or cohorts that network, learn, develop, grow and continually push participants’ professional development. They can be trusted groups of colleagues that can help you work through personal development and/or workplace challenges. They’re liberating and inspiring and a way to accelerate professional development.

Organizing a trust circle is easy. Find five or six colleagues from inside or outside of your company who are willing to work together, share openly and hold confidences. You can opt to self-govern as peers or find a trusted senior leader to host the group. I suggest you initially plan to meet once every two to three months. A simple agenda that I like to use at a first meeting is: 1) getting to know you 2) planning our future.

Before the first meeting, ask everyone to choose a personal theme song to share with the group. At the beginning of the meeting, play each of the theme songs and ask each person to explain why they chose it and what it means to them. Then have everyone privately write on a piece of paper three topics they’d like to take on as group. Share the topics and prioritize as a group the ones you’d like to tackle together. That will help set future agendas.

We’ve tackled topics in trust circles such as personal branding, overcoming imposter syndrome, executive presence and taking control over our career journeys. We’ve conquered some of the topics by watching relevant TED Talks, reading books, inviting guests to speak to us on a topic or just having open discussions.

Every session ends with a challenge that each person will take on in advance of the next meeting. The expansion of our individual networks is always a key component of the challenge, so we’re constantly pushing each other to engage with and interact with new folks that aren’t already in our network. Most importantly, we hold each other accountable for growing and making progress on our individual and collective journeys.

30-day challenge

The time to think about networking isn’t when you need something in the moment. After all, it’s hard to find someone to go the movies with you if there’s no one to call.

Like it or not, networking is key to professional success. Unfortunately, keeping our heads down and doing great work just isn’t enough.

Remember, there’s no right way or wrong way to network, but I realize that sometimes we all need a push. So, here’s my 30-day challenge to kickstart your active networking: Consciously connect with at least two people already in your network to cultivate those relationships, and then add at least 10 new people to your network. P.S. feel free to get started by connecting with me.

ACFE Regent Bethmara Kessler, CFE, is a global thought leader, lecturer, consultant and advisor to businesses on the topics of fraud, audit, compliance, enterprise risk management, process transformation, and diversity and inclusion. She’s on the ACFE Faculty and Advisory Council. Contact her at LinkedIn.com/in/bethmara-kessler.